INSIDES II

My previous post spoke of the patience and time we needed to give our bodies in order to heal from the inside out even if we feel fine, do not see the damage, or even see progress. This is also true for our mental, spiritual, and emotional selves. We get hurt, offended, abused, and our mind blocks the blows with trauma control, but it is still there even when we cannot see it.

The Mental

Our mind is the center for receiving and delivering. The central working system. When it is damaged, we have to rewire the signals to heal the mind. There are so many neurons, transmitters, pathways, and signals that allows our brain to operate. We can create new ones when an area is damaged, or detects something wrong, or in psychology, when the brain blocks it out. This is like a built-in safety feature, to protect us from having further painful experiences, and trauma. It will cut out the memory, disconnect to the trauma, and we think we are over it. But that is not the case. It is frozen in time in our mind. We have to heal our brain, renewing it, rewiring it to heal, and transform creating in us a new thought pattern, a new perspective, and then our actions, and life path will change.

Unless we can identify the shadows in our mind we cannot change on the outside. Healing from the inside is the only way we can see changes on the outside. The brain doesn't change the emotions tied to the trauma, because the emotions are a signal to what is to come so the brain knows what defense to use in order to protect you from the pain. This is why our emotions stay raw, why we can have feelings as though the event just happened to us and have no recollection of the event itself.

We all have something we are dealing with whether it be anxiety, anger, shame, guilt, abandonment, betrayal, something. Anxiety has always been a hidden attacker of mine. Most of the time i did not even know I had anxiety till later. I thought everyone felt this way. Constantly on the verge of a panic attack, like a hand was constantly around my neck pressing on my chest. My heart ready to pound out of my chest, beating so hard sometimes making me dizzy, and lightheaded. This was born from fear. Fear of everything really. My dad, people, classmates, family, judgement, abandonment, not being enough, doing things wrong, disappointing employers, not being accepted, of being forgotten, not being worthy of love. Just fear. Always ending with the question "what is wrong with me? "

Eventually I learned that I needed to let go of the fear. True love, real love puts out all fear. Love conquers all. I'm not talking about the feeling of love; Love is not a feeling. It is a choice. It is an action. God's perfect love is the only thing that saves me every day. Healing me moment by moment and teaching me to give the same kind of love to others. Love heals you from the inside. In my mind I had to change my thoughts, renew my mind, love myself. I had to let God show me his love, and he is constantly teaching me about love.

The thoughts we accept directs our life. Our ignorance condemns us, and the choice to gain wisdom, and understanding is our responsibility, this is also true about our self. Learning not only of our good, whole, and healthy areas, but our shadows, wounds, and deficiencies with God as our guide. I heard today from one of my favorite speakers that to move forward we need guidance, correction, and instruction in that order and repeated.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

Emotional

Now I know that my emotions are not a bad thing, but a good thing. They signal to me and highlight direction in my experiences. It is a good thing to feel, God created us to be emotional beings. So that we may have empathy and compassion, and resignation with others. Our sensitivity to these things causes us to encourage, and build others up not oppress and destroy them. Those that are desensitized have hard hearts from their past events. This should not be. I look at my emotions as different color flags, and when one is raised, I need to stop and assess what the flag is telling me, and then gain knowledge on what direction or action to take next. Each of the colored flags mean something.

Our society tells us how to feel, what feelings are acceptable and when. It's all a lie. We need to be taught how to sit still in all of our emotions, study them, feel them, let them speak to us. This is self-exploration, allowing us to learn more about who we are, gaining insight to our identity. Our emotions need boundaries. To keep them in check, our emotions are followers, they are not mature enough to lead us. It is as if our mind is our adult self, and the emotions are our child self. The Lord is ever near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. We need to learn how to heal our emotional wounds, the only way to do this is through Gods Love, and Love for ourselves. Self-care, self-awareness, self-compassion, self-discipline. Lay it all out at Gods feet. Pouring it on the altar of our life.

"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" Hebrews 4:12

Spiritual

The point when our spirit needs healing is a place that is so dark even our friends or family will not meet us in this place. This is the place where people say that they have been broke. What they endured has broken them, in their minds beyond redemption. This is the place that people enter that makes suicide the only choice, that makes prison home, a life of crime acceptable, and drugs the medicine of choice, and being homeless is the new way of life. The worth no longer outweighs the risks. This is the place that evil thrives and gives birth because there is nothing left to lose, so what is the point.

"The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit?" - Proverbs 18:14

It is a very dangerous place to live in, but it is possible to come back. Only God can stoop low enough to you and bring you out. How do I know? Because I have been in that place. It is lonely, scary. and nothing but torture, a glimpse of what I believe hell will be like. No one could save me. The brink of demise is a short-lived life. A crushed spirit is meant to steal from you, to destroy you, kill you. The destination is the grave. But God... God values you. You are worth it. You are enough. How do I know? Because God gave his only son over to death for you. He took the keys of death and defeated the grave for you. Life, the soul that God breathed into you is so valuable that only pure life, and blood could pay for you. Someone had to die for you. That is your value, Blood. Pure, innocent Blood.

Being mentally and emotionally abused is far worse than being physically abused. The body forgets the pain, heals much stronger, and quicker. It is much different for the heart and mind. This is why our past haunts us. To be destroyed by the person that is supposed to love you, and then not protected by the one that is supposed to, and nowhere safe to land, or no one to tell you it is going to be ok. I am so grateful not to be in that place anymore. I lived there 18 years, and I escaped, I came out of the storm. If it can happen for me, it is not too late for you. The starting place is one breathe at a time, letting it go to God, and being grateful to still have life in you. That means God still values you and you have a purpose.

We are so valuable; we take our lives for granted. Our breathe is so fickle, gone in seconds. Our whole lifetime is nothing but a moment to God. Sit. Breathe. let go. Let God. give thanks. and LOVE.

xo Em